CHICKEN SEUSS FOR THE FAUX FINISHER’S SOUL

By Debbie Ellison
for Paintin' the Town, Faux
Reprinted from “The Faux Finisher” magazine - Spring 2004

The day started quietly,
Pretty boring, in fact,
My mother was gone for the day
Everything was intact.

What happened next
Was more than a shock,
All of a sudden,
At the door was a knock.
The door opened slowly,
And then there appeared
A Fox With a Box, I thought,
Oh dear,
      Oh, oh, dear!

“I’ve come to have fun,”
He had a mischievous glow,
He put on his paint clothes,
“Let’s faux
          faux
               faux!
I’m the fox in the know
And I’m ready to faux!”

He put down his box,
And I looked and said, “Fox?”
“No, faux,” said the fox,
“It’s faux-in-a-box.”
So, he dumped out the box,
And out plopped all his tools,
And I said, “This is not good,
You’re breaking the rules.”

There were brushes and trowels
Scattered over the floor,
Then he brought out the paint
And I said, “No, no – no more!
My mother won’t like this,
Won’t like it, I say.”
Then he opened the paint,
And said, “I just want to play.”

“Have no fear, have no fear,”
Said the Fox With a Box,
“I know how to faux,
And my faux really rocks.”
“Don’t give me the brush off,
I’m just trying to paint.”
“But my mom doesn’t like faux,
She’ll see this and faint!”

He ragged and he bagged
And he dragged and he stained,
He stippled and pounced
And he rolled and he grained.
He flogged and he mottled,
He plastered and sponged,
He distressed and he scumbled,
He reached and he lunged.

I had a bad feeling, this fox had to go
He didn’t act like a pro, no, he wasn’t a pro,
Oh, he was big trouble,
He didn’t know how to faux.

Oh, he was big trouble,
I had to confess,
Oh dear.
          What a mess!
               What a mess!
                      What a mess!

Up the ladder, he climbed
And got everything primed.
And he brushed and he rolled
And he splattered and troweled,
And I trembled with fear,
No, this wasn’t allowed.
“Now grab a big brush,”
Said the fox, “and just hush,
You’re in for a treat
‘Cause my faux can’t be beat.”

“This isn’t the plan,”
I said holding the can,
“This isn’t the plan,”
As the faux hit the fan.

“And just one thing mo’,
We have no time to play.
This faux really must go,
You must take it away.
My mother won’t like it,
Won’t like it, I say.”
Then, he climbed down the ladder
And proceeded to spray.

There was faux on the do’
There was faux on the flo’ -
“Oh, no,” I said sadly,
“You really must go!”
There was faux on the ceiling
And faux on the trim,
It crept up the door jamb,
And all over him.

It was all over me,
I just wanted to flee.
“Now, look what you’ve done,
You must go away,
I don’t want you here,
What will mother say?”

Down the wall in the hall,
The paint splashed and it dripped,
Through the hall, off the wall,
I must get a grip!
This fox was no artist,
A beginner at best,
He climbed back up the ladder,
I didn’t like this guest!

Paint splashed and it sputtered,
It was out of control,
He continued his fauxing -
Oh, this fox was bold!

And then, then it happened,
He reached over too far,
And the ladder went tumbling,
Glaze spilled out of the jar.
“Chill out,” said the feline,
With a tip of his hat,
“Chill out,” said the fox as
The paint can went
                      SPLAT!

And the sponges went flying,
The colors went plop,
I stared in amazement, it
Just wouldn’t stop.
Rollers rolled down the carpet,
Leaving splotches of paint,
Brushes brushed against furniture,
He showed no restraint.

The couch was now three shades of pink,
“This is awful,” I said.
The carpet was spotted,
Our green chair was now red.
“What a mess, what a mess,
I really didn’t mean it,”
Said the Fox With a Box.
I said, “You better just clean it.”

And then to my horror,
He dashed out of the house.
And I was left holding the bag and the rag
And the sponge, what a louse!
How would I clean all the
Faux on the flo’,
And the faux on the do’
And the faux on the chair
And the faux in my hair?
          Oh, this wasn’t fair!
               Wasn’t fair!
                    Wasn’t fair!

And then in a flash,
He was back on the scene.
With new paints and new brushes,
He turned the chair back to green.
He repainted the do’
He touched up the flo’ -
He base coated the ceiling,
And the trim, even me.

He painted the wall in the hall.
What a sight!
A Fox With a Box,
He was making things right!
He cleaned all the carpet,
And re-dyed the couch,
This Fox With a Box
Really wasn’t a slouch!

And quick as he came,
He took off and kept goin’.
I guess in the end,
He did know about fauxin’!

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Debbie Ellison is a freelance writer and editor in Atlanta and teaches writing and creativity seminars. Contact her at DebbieEllisonInk@yahoo.com.

Susie Goldenberg owns Paintin' the Town, Faux, a faux finishing showroom and Atlanta’s premier school for decorative finishes. She has been a professional decorative artist for 13 years and teaches classes at her school and from coast to coast. Contact her at Susie@PaintinTheTown.com.

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