“Lifestyles of the Rich and “FAUX”mus By Debbie Ellison and Susie Goldenberg Clients come and clients go, but some leave a trail of tears – er, I mean, a pail of beer – no, that’s not right – upscale cheer. They’re rich and frightful – er, I mean delightful. You’ve all had clients like them. They may be rich, but they want the most faux for their dough. We now join Robin Leach, your host to the rich and faux”mus,” live in Hollywood. Robin, take it away. Hello, Robin Leech here, and welcome to Lifestyles of the Rich and “Faux”mus. Our clientele is the most elite, the most discrete, the most “faux”bulous, the most “marble”ous, the ones with the most cash”faux.” They are not the nou”faux” riche, but the in”faux”mous old-timers with the money. Let us take a peek inside their “faux”mus homes – no faux pas here! Our first estate is owned by the lovely actress, Farrah “Faux”cet. Her exquisite home has a “faux”cean view. She likes to wow her friends by breaking the status “faux.” Her rooms are fauxed to perfection with a delicate balance of distressing and impressing. She can’t get enough – faux, faux, and mo’ faux. She had the builder put in very expensive stainable pine cabinets throughout her home and had them painted and wood grained to look like old pine. Go figure! Her marble floor is fauxed to look like wood. Her wood cabinets are fauxed to look like marble. The cat is fauxed to look like a dog. And that beautiful head of hair she’s so famous for – it’s “combed,” “striád,” and “plastered.” “Faux”tunately for the faux finisher, Farrah is easy to please - an unlikely trait in a client. We now move on to the “faux”bulous residence of Dr. “Faux,” the psychologist of Oprah fame. Faux finishers love to work for Dr. “Faux” because he’s always giving them advice to help them live “faux”filling lives. Dr. “Faux’s” “faux”losophy is about people finding their authentic selves. With all that authenticity, he doesn’t really like faux finishing – he prefers the real thing. He says whatever he thinks (he’s so out”faux”ken). But, that’s all right. He’s rich and “faux”mus, and faux is in, so he tolerates it. Dr. “Faux” enjoys the more weathered, old world look. To be authentic, he feels his home should reflect his business. Since he spends much time with clients de-stressing, distressing is the technique he most prefers. As the faux finisher assesses, distresses, and progresses, she feels a bit queasy. Ever the diagnostician, the doctor “faux”mulates an opinion. “Claustro”faux”bia? How’s that working for you? You need to get real, you ‘faux’ny!” The elegantly simple abode of Zsa Zsa Ga”faux”r is our next stop. Ms. Ga”faux”r of Green Acres fame enjoys the subtle, ever so humble, hint of the country. She much prefers a penthouse view, but has settled ever so contently into the life of a farmer’s wife. She gives her faux finisher a run for her money, but she per”faux”rms beautifully. The pigpen is a challenge, however. She decides to use dry mud for the walls with a dash of old world straw and faux pigskin for the floor. Arnold the pig goes hog wild. He is the envy of all the animals. The fence is done in a Fence Wash – er, a French Wash. A faux sky adds to the ambiance. Zsa Zsa is thrilled with her new home. We conclude our program tonight with a visit to the home of five-year-old Andy, the rich and “faux”mus son of a very wealthy movie producer who would rather remain anonymous. This mystery millionaire gave little Andy complete authority to design his own room. Andy was truly “the client” in every respect except for writing the check, so much so the faux finisher in question never met his parents, a check being the only evidence that he even had parents. Andy was allowed to choose anything he wanted, and what Andy wants, Andy gets! Andy chose walls of metallic gold blended with rainbow colors, a pot of gold painted above his bed, and a sky ceiling filled with metallic stars. The faux finisher and the designer met often, each time asking themselves, “What would Andy want?” Andy was consulted at every step of the way. The big day came; Andy was not home when his room was painted. After completing the job, the designer and faux finisher wondered what Andy would think of his bedroom, hoping and praying he would approve. The designer talked to Andy, who boldly announced his verdict - “Excellent!” What a relief! The faux finisher and designer agreed – in their next lifetimes, they want to come back as…Andy! That concludes our show for tonight. And now we ask the burning question! Do only the rich and “faux”mus faux, or can anyone in the know now faux? Stay tuned next week for the answer to this and other must-know questions as we continue our quest into the Lifestyles of the Rich and “Faux”mus. This is Robin Leach live from Hollywood bidding you farewell. ________________________________________________________ Susie Goldenberg owns Paintin' the Town, Faux, a faux finishing showroom and Atlanta’s premier school for decorative finishes. She has been a professional decorative artist for 13 years and teaches classes at her school and from coast to coast. Contact her at Susie@PaintinTheTown.com. ___________________________________________________________ This article may be shared with
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